I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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