Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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