How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
