he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
I want her autograph on my taint
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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