it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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