I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
