In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Randomize
