once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
