I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
