Apparently you make a good broom.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Randomize
