You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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