brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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