Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Randomize
