she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Randomize
