Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
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