i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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