Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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