I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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