Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
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