is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
