Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
