I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
I don't deserve a penis
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Randomize
