Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Randomize
