Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
