dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
Small penises have feelings too.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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