Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
