Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
