Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
