chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
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