she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
