genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
false alarm, still single
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