Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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