I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Randomize
