My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
