Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
