ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
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