Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
i think i scared a bird with my dick
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
