Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
My vagina is officially offended.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
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