don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
Barsexuality is the new black.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Randomize
