Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
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