How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
