so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
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