I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Randomize
