thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
I like to think it a success when the cops are called
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
