Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
