I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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