how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
