NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Randomize
