hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize
