Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Go christen that room with your naked body.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
