I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
