it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
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