I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Randomize
