awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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